Most recent…
How (not) to date…
I’ve almost always been in a relationship. Quite a habit for me to maintain, but roughly since being 16, I’ve only had 3 extended single periods, and even then, these periods usually contain mini engagements that mimic one. The ending of each relationship and situationship brought me what my logical-ish brain craves: a shit tonne…
Keep readingQuotes I’m vibing with rn:
The journey is the destination – Matthew McConaughey (paraphrasing Emerson)
I’ve been dating for 20 years, that’s a lot of pretending to be fascinated – Jerry Seinfeld
Like any journey, if you stay the course long enough the road might just show you what you need. All you gotta do is keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the fucking gas – Kenny Powers
Favourite song for now:
The Zone of Proximal Development
I first heard this term in a psychology class when I was 17. It refers to the area which is just beyond your comfort zone but not so far beyond it that it’s unbearable. I’ve been talking about it a lot recently while trying to explain the concept to people in an attempt to also explain to them why I’ve…
Bangkok, After the Honeymoon
A friend and I have a long-running line that every non-teacher expat in Bangkok lives essentially the same life here. Aside from the Soi Cowboy-haunting old lechers—but they’re usually on their way to Pattaya and only stopping here for a day or two—Bangkok lady drinks stretch the pension fund a little too far for their liking. So what does this…
Vanity and Notes on Self Experimentation
Anyone that knows me is aware that despite me being a tad self-obsessed, I am not overly vain, at least about myself… Yes I take the usual precautions and moderate my eating (excessively) and workout (inefficiently and too often) but barring these, I have taken very little care in what I have worn, skincare, hair in general, how I actually…
Adventures in creativity
I don’t think I’ve ever given myself much credit for being creative. In fact, I think I suppressed that side of myself so much that it practically disappeared and only occasionally did I notice a little glimmer of it here and there. I accidentally built a mental comfort zone with logic as the walls because I was uncomfortable with exploring…
“What are the birds saying?”
I wrote in a previous post that I have these little phrases that help change my mind state and put me back to my usual curious, engaged, and generally happy self. My favourite of these is taken from a delightful book on Taoism. I was gifted the Tao of Pooh years ago by my mum. The book takes the concept…
Something wrong in Heaven
Since I was very young, I’ve had this terrible habit. Put me in a near-perfect situation and there’s a high chance, you’d find me focusing on one tiny negative aspect of it or, even worse, I’d imagine some potential way this idyllic situation could become negative, and lose any enjoyment of the present. As Marlon Croft sang, “I could find…
Worth It
Opening up to people is hard.Being honest with your emotions is hard.Telling someone how you feel feels like one of the hardest things you can do, when in reality it’s a small discomfort and your life would probably be greatly improved if you were willing to overcome this hurdle and be more honest with people about your emotions. Would you…
Takeoff
At takeoff during flights I used to listen to Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” and I’d time it so that the crescendo happens right at the moment we take off and start to gain altitude. Why? It added to the intensity of the experience that’s for sure but mainly I did it because I knew without a shadow of doubt that…
Some things I love
Yesterday, I wrote something particularly bitter. I guess I was having a bad day, but being a cunt doesn’t help resolve negative feelings. However, the opposite is true: if you do nice things, you feel better. I’ve done some nice things today, and I wanted to write a few nice things, as perhaps that’ll help too. So here’s a few…
Beyond Time’s Weight
I went out for coffee with someone a few days back and was explaining to them my rather obscure work situation and how I have quite a significant amount of freedom and free time as a result of it and that I need to find things to do to fill the time I create. She said she’d love to have…
In love, for a day
Infatuation an intense yet fleeting feeling of love or passion for someone or something Now that I’m in Bangkok again I’m reminded of some thoughts I had here last year. One of which was this thing where I realised that I’d be infatuated with someone for maybe 24 hrs and then they’d do one thing, some innocuous nothing-y thing that…
Running or Leaping?
Occasionally I take leaps when things get too comfortable. This means that sometimes I give up a safe and consistent thing in the hopes of something greater, banking on the future. This doesn’t always work out for me. When I do it in business, things tend to go my way or in a positive direction. When I do it in relationships, things…
Old Pictures
I saw a few pictures of myself from a couple of years ago and I felt, hmm, what’s a negative form of nostalgia? I hated them and wanted to distance myself from that feeling. When you’re learning to love yourself are you learning to love all previous versions of yourself or just this current one? It’s like looking at those…
Masks
I’ve always found it difficult to maintain an authentic self. To one person I might seem interesting and charming, to a person in my past a little bit of a hedonist, to another I’m enterprising and business-y, to some I’m self centred and dry, to others caring(ish) and thoughtful (occasionally). I think if you haven’t yet decided on who you…
Problem Stacking
I’ve noticed over the past few years that when people have problems they list them one after another mentally and in conversation they often present them all at once. It makes the problems seem entirely insurmountable as this wall of problems contains so many issues that it would be impossible to even attempt to resolve them. I call it “problem…
Happy or Happier
You know, right now things are good. I’m actually kinda happy. I quite like this life despite how small it is. I get up, go for a little walk listening to an audiobook, do a few hours of work, make some lunch, couple more emails, go for a run, reflect a little, make a little dinner, watch a little movie…
Figs and Donkeys
You know when you have the freedom to do whatever you want, sometimes you end up in this state where there are so many options in front of you, just infinite possibilities that making any choice is so overwhelming that you just become paralysed by your indecision. I’ve been like that for a long time. I read these lines from…
Contented Solitude
“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal I spend a lot of time in my own company – “alone” is what people tend to call it but I’m not alone, I’m there, present and listening. I find that in these periods of self imposed isolation I get nice and introspective;…
Cost vs Enjoyment
How much does it cost to have fun? When making making most purchases, I often consider this cost vs enjoyment “principle” – I want to enjoy myself and not be limited by money but I recognise that money and enjoyment aren’t linked exactly and I can’t spend my way to happiness or can I? When you increase expenditure on something…
Dropping “I”
One prevalent issue you notice in a lot of interactions is that people can’t take themselves out the equation when talking. “I” forms the basis of nearly every sentence and every time they speak it’s all “I, I, I”. Very ego heavy but most people’s favourite topic is themselves as it’s the topic they’re most well versed in. This kinda…
Limits
We seem to set arbitrary limits for ourselves, for example “I can do 80 push ups at once, 30 pull ups, run 2 miles flat out” but the reality is that I can probably do far more of each I just haven’t been in a situation or mindset to push myself to that level. I often wonder why we set…
Autopilot
Strong opinions weakly held. I do this thing sometimes where I just say things and have strong convictions about them on the face of it but then actually don’t agree with the opinion or think about it with any depth before saying. Auto generating speech almost with words coming from the tongue not the brain or perhaps from the brain…
Recordar
Somewhere along the way, I forgot I could enjoy life. It’s like I’d treat everything with undue cynicism; viewing each moment with either passive apathy or active disdain. I’ve been stuck in that headspace for a long time. I think trying to pinpoint it’s origin may be helpful but I’m yet to determine a root cause and anytime I’ve come…
“Bill, I believe this is killing me”
He says, “Bill, I believe this is killing me” As the smile ran away from his face “Well I’m sure that I could be a movie star If I could get out of this place” Piano Man – Billy Joel To me, these lyrics are perhaps the truest reflection of how most people feel about their lives; very few people…
“The World’s Your Oyster” Problem
“The world’s your oyster” I’m sure you’re familiar with the meaning. You can do anything, go anywhere, be anyone, do whatever you want. Sounds ideal, right… But a curious problem arises when you’re actually in a situation that allows you to do anything; you don’t know what to do. And how do you figure out what to do? Oftentimes, people,…
Volver
I think it’s time to revisit this blogging thing. I had a kind of nerdy idea to use this as a public diary and considering how effective I’ve been at journalling, it could end up being quite interesting. Though I am expecting it to become fairly mid until I start travelling again…
The weight of time
People always tell me I’m lucky that I have so much free time. Now I’m not contending this point, it’s certainly true that if one defines luck as “an unlikely circumstance occurring and bringing success” then I suppose I am a little lucky in that I work 5x less than an average employee who hits 40+ hour weeks 48 weeks…
Sumb Luck 